Giving credit where credit is due

Let's begin by admitting the obvious, that Trump has a deeper understanding of the world and of human nature than anyone else alive today, or perhaps ever. He's an insightful genius, a total realist who in no way suffers from delusions or misperceptions. His god-given instincts to see Reality and to speak Truth pair with uncanny courage to act . . .  and act decisively. Donald Trump is one of a small number of people in the world, and the only president, to address realistically the greatest threat to human survival in 3 million years, which is, the rapid destruction of the natural world by 7.3 billion people who drive, fly, consume, eat and shit every day. Trump grasps the magnitude of this rapidly growing threat, and he takes action. Behind his bills and tweets are policies designed to reduce the world-wide environmental deterioration caused by 7.6 billion people. This is my paean to the great and forever glorious Donald J. Trump.

OK, I admit, he's brash and narcissistic, crude and ill-mannered, fat and ugly, ill-tempered and stupid. All of these make him an unlikely hero. And yet I would accord him even higher status, as a savior. Yes. Seriously. In spite of the fact that he belies all Christian expectations of a Christ-like figure returning to inspire the people and save the world, he alone brought his bloated ineptness to the fore when the call went out. With deep humility and painful reluctance, he took the microphone spoke the Truth. He felt the people's fear. He alone understood their frustrations. And why shouldn't he be the chosen one? He is, after all, of them and from them, a common man from the World Wrestling arena. He understands the nobility of a pre-ordained, rigged fight between two loin-cloth clad Neanderthals. He is both a barbarian and a visionary. Eventually, I believe, the nay-saying doubters will restrain their criticism long enough to see him clearly, and they will declare that he is not only a savior, but the savior.

The first hint that the divine call was for him came during the campaign when he promised that, if elected, he'd construct a border wall. Keep the "drug dealers, criminals, rapists" out! he cried. And we who embraced his candidacy chanted, "Build the wall!" To admirers and detractors alike, his goal seemed obvious: "Keep the brown-skinned people out of our clean, white country. And if some dark people are already established here, well, kick them out too."

Liberals called him a racist. The media said his rhetoric was divisive. Republicans universally lauded his neo-Nazi stance, his white nationalist and misogynistic hatred. Oh, how very wrong all of the were! In spite of his offensive rants, the labels were terribly unfair, because his intent was to draw attention to the greatest problem in the world, which is overpopulation. Trump is no racist. He is not divisive. Quite the contrary. As any astute observer of humankind could see (and I will shortly prove this point), he is extraordinarily even-handed. His solution to the massive numbers of people flooding over the southern border target dark-skinned immigrants only because that's what they are. For all Mr. Trump cares, the attacking mobs coming from the south could be Finns or Australians. His attacks on spics and towel-heads are simply the first step in a long march toward sustainability. Have faith, dear reader. Have faith.

Far into the future, his message must remain the same: job-stealing foreigners are permanently banned because they breed like fucking rabbits. Although our esteemed leader may not actually say these words, there is no doubt in my mind that he thinks them: "Your out-of-control hypersexuality is destroying the planet. You exceed the carrying capacity of your own lands, and now you want to sink our as well. Overcrowded, people are at each other's throats. Gang violence, starvation, brutal oppression. These are endemic to shithole countries like yours, and they are not welcome here in the beautiful, lily-white US of A. You've overrun your own countries. That's your problem; don't try to make it ours. You non-Americans need to remember, your misery is not our fault. And it is certainly not our responsibility. You created the stinking cesspools you live in. America is under no obligation to accept the refuse of your irresponsible breeding. Stew in your own juices!"

Is Trump's wisdom not astounding?! Is his reasoning not spot on?! Unlike most citizens, and unlike all Democrats, liberals, progressives and bleeding-hearts, Trump understands the true burden that growing populations place on the planet and on humanity. In particular, he feels the burden the overpopulation places on the kind-hearted leaders of shithole countries, like Erdogan in Turkey, Duterte in the Philippines and Maduro in Venezuela. They struggle daily to keep the poor, marginalized and underfed masses from rioting. Rioting is bad for business. Protests are expensive to quell. Not to mention the psychological and emotional unease the wealthy feel when the hungry masses burn tires in the streets. Can you imagine how embarrassing a riot is to a country's leader? Each tyrant wants an international reputation of being loved and admired by all of his people. How awful it is when the masses are unruly. How inconsiderate they are of the leaders' feelings. Instead of protesting, they should have the decency to remain silent. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

At least these embattled leaders have someone in their corner. Trump. He empathizes with them. He opens his heart, as well as the immense resources of the US Government because, at its core, social unrest is a result of over-population, and unless you're dealing with the rootcause of a problem, you are simply putting bandaids on broken legs. Therefore, the kind and generous Mr. Trump makes it very easy for foreign leaders to acquire the latest American-made, population-controlling technologies, such as guns, tanks, rockets, bombs, bullets, chemicals and drones. "Use them," he tells his beleagured equals. "Don't be nice. Don't be gentle. Crush the fuckers. Kill them. Bring down population. And if you do that, America will continue to reward you with financial aid."

"But," he also warns, "use any other population control methods or devices, and we will cut off your financial aid forever. Pills. Condoms. IUDs. Abortions. All of these are primitive, brutal methods of controlling population. Anyone who employs them or even espouses them, commits a mortal sin, and therefore deserves no money."

Some people call this policy cruel. Others call it stupid.  But such people are themselves stupid. It results from being compassionate. Their hearts get in the way of their brain. Bleeding-hearts cannot understand that population control, if it is to be effective, must be efficient. And what's more efficient than bullets, bombs and nerve agents? Nothing. When you perforate people with multiple pieces of high-velocity metal, they die. No guessing. No doubts. No malfunctioning birth control pill. And, most importantly, you have solid proof that you've reduced population. You can lay the bodies side by side and count them. You know exactly how much smaller population is. But with family planning and all the rest of those women-only practices, well, the government just never knows for sure whether they work. In addition, counting aborted fetuses is too time consuming. too expensive. Women-only population control devises produce uncertainty, chaos and too many people. It's better to leave population control in the hands of men, of warriors and killers. Let men deal with it as they have dealt with enemies throughout history, by killing a bunch of people. And have no doubts, right now, the enemy is too many people, especially the migrant hoard at our southern border that must be turned back with US military personnel. Oh, how proud and heroic those soldiers must have felt!)

Needless to say, Trump's foreign policy is brilliant. It will, no doubt, bring respect back to America and accolades to him.

Unfortunately, the population-control policies he sells to foreign countries is not easily transferable to America. Here, birth control is usually available and reliable. Here, women can make decisions about their own bodies. This is unbelievably frustrating to Trump and the Republicans. "How," they wonder, "can we ever deal with over-population is a manly way if women won't produce excessive numbers of people for us to shoot? It's unconscionable. It should be illegal." Therefore, the first order of business for Republicans is to make all abortions illegal, and all family planning hard to come by. "We want future targets," the scream. "We want to be the heroes who save the world by slaughtering millions of people."

Until such time as Trump and the Republicans have total control of women's reproductive rights, the Party has devised an interim method of dealing with the unwanted births that result from the existing bans on abortion. First, remember that women are the compassionate half of our species, and second, that compassion makes people stupid. So, if you awaken their compassion, such as by hurting their children, women will become angry. And being both compassionate and angry, they do stupid things, like protest and vote, which Republicans .

To counter this, Republicans have come up with a transitional population control policy that is neither manly nor womanly. In fact, it is totally natural and totally brilliant. The policy evolved in response to the question, "What is the greatest killer of all time?" And the answer of course is plague and influenza. In other words, Nature. "And who," they asked, "does Nature kill?" To which they answered, "why, obviously, the hungry, the sick, the weak and the injured." It was from this essential truth that Trump and the Republicans figured out how to control population in America without shooting people in the streets.

The first step was to set the conditions for what was to follow. Trump, in coordination with hundreds of Republicans, enacted a massive tax cut. Even though it mostly benefitted the rich, they claimed that everybody would win, that everybody' boat would be lifted, that all citizens would be freed from the shackles of poverty and homelessness. That America would be Great Again. The tax plan, dutifully consistent with the time-tested, highly successful theory that underpins Reaganomics, that a rising tide lifts all boats, gave everyone a floatation device. The wealthy received sea-worthy yachts capable of weathering the worst economic storms. Everyone else got plastic water wings and boogie boards.

Once 'tax reform' was enacted, Trump and the Republicans turned their attention to the budget deficit. They did not mention that the extraordinarily large increase in the deficit was the result of the tax cuts. Instead, they blamed the deficit on the poor. "Too much money is being wasted just keeping marginal, unproductive people alive. Food stamps. Social security. Welfare in general. A complete rip-off. Even if we gave the 350,000 homeless people in America $2.00 per day (which is $700,000/day, or $255 million/year), these miserable losers would be no better off. It's money down the rat-hole."

It is politically unpopular to shoot the homeless and the poor, so Trump and company had to come up with a less messy way to reduce their burgeoning numbers. The Republican solution will, in years to come, be considered the greatest and most humanitarian policy toward the poor that has ever ben put forward.

To anyone unfamiliar with the workings of an astoundingly smart brain, like Mr. Trump's, this may sound pretty cruel. But it's not. Quite the opposite. Even a run-of-the-mill genius with a large net worth could see that if workers and veterans are living on the street or in homless shelters, if they are short of food and are inadequately housed, that they will want to escape their grim situation. Who wouldn't? In answer to the question, How can we lift these people out of their misery without it costing us a penny, in fact, how can we make money in the process? they came up with a simple answer. Make the poor pay for their own escape.

This sounds impossible, but to Republicans it's anything but. All you have to do is get the poor out of their hopelessness and misery for just a few hours and they will do anything to escape again. In other words, get the marginalized and the uneducated to try drugs, and to keep escaping until they're hooked. They can fly as high as they want. And if they fly too high and get killed, well, that's one less person that the rich have to keep alive. A total win/win. Republican phamaceutical companies have made money, and the and theaddicts are permenently freed from their addiction.

This was all well and good but for one thing: population reductions were hard to predict. Republicans wanted to be in charge. They wanted solid numbers and good statistics. 

And they wanted to be able to take credit for bringing down population, which they couldn't claim if the poor were killing themselves.

then they are vulnerable and in need of help. Therefore, the right thing to do is propose cuts to food stamps, and demand that, in order to receive welfare, they need to get themselves hired in jobs that don't exist. The wealthy can also see how imprudent it is to extend healthcare to everyone when it is much better for the economy if the majority of them died.

So, Trump and the Republicans followed up with a trio of policies intended to weaken and then kill nearly half the population. First, in every way possible, Republican would reduce access to real, nutricious food. Cut food stamps. Cut welfare. Subsidize corn production. Make unhealthy foods much less expensive than healthy foods. Second, in every way possible, limit their access to healthcare. Since the poor have already been weakend by poor diet, they'll be susceptible to numerous ailments. They should die in droves. Unless, of course, the goddamn libeerals put clinics in the inner city and provided free care, especially pre-natal care.   

These first two were good, bu the outcome was still too uncertain. There may be a lot of poor who are just too ornery to croak, too selfish to kick the bucket. How shameful if they would not surrender to the grim reaper. "Oh, how selfish the brainless masses are," bemoan the haves. "Can the common man not see that, in order to bring down population, in order to save species and habitats, in order to save the planet, people must sacrifice?"

So, here's what the Republicans came up with as a way to improbre the body count. Guns. Make it easy for people to buy guns. Make it easy for people to carry concealed weapons. Make it easy for anyone who shoots a poor person, or a dark-skinned person, make it easy for him to defend himself with laws. that protected only white men who felt afraid for their lives. He could get off entirely so long as the other person was black and dead. Then there was only one side of the story: self-defense.

Meanwhile, behind the scenes, Republicans worked had for their just cause. "What if," they asked, "the people we are trying to kill were able to not only withstand the social policies we've enacted to kill them, but also were able to vote? What if the poor objected to our policies and came after our cushy lifestyles and extravagant wealth?" The result: gerrymandered districts, ID requirements, and closed polling booths. "That should get the greedy little bastards."

Then came the last and really sick policy. If the starving poor still have enough energy to object to their conditions, if they have enough gumption to protest, then they just need to be shot in the streets. Blown away by machine guns. Run down with heavy, bullet-proof vehicles. Since it is illegal in the US to sic the army on civilians, the solution was to give the police military weapons.  "If the poor buggers die in bloody confrontations, well, they asked for it. They should have died quietly in their homes of diseases and drugs without making a fuss."

If these insightful Republican policies don't get the country going in the right direction, nothing will.

God bless America.